In apocalyptic postseason, everyone in L.A. becomes fan of Royals

Wow, look at all those Royals fans suddenly everywhere in Los Angeles. In the words of the great Vizzini, “Inconceivable!”

It’s almost like they have something against the other team playing in the World Series. For those under 26 who don’t get past the lovely confines of the Los Angeles area much, that’s a baseball championship they play every year. Tommy Lasorda’s “Fall Classic,” just very much minus Tommy Lasorda.

Beginning Tuesday in Kansas City, it will match the Royals against – come on, be brave – the San Francisco Giants. You know, the creepy Rob Lowe.

(Will pause here for appropriate boos and jeers.)

They have just over 2 million people in the entire Kansas City metropolitan area, so imagine how excited they must be to be picking up an additional 18 million fans way out here on the West Coast. We already have lots of blue clothing and everything.

If you’re a Dodgers fan, the only thing more loathsome in the entire universe than the Giants is, naturally, their fans.

Yet, as horrifying as it sounds, the Giants are poised to win their third World Series in five years. Pull that baby off and they start using words like “dynasty.” I apologize, did you just eat?

Still, baseball is a game of statistics, and try as you might, there is no denying the World Series numbers the Giants have been putting up. I know, you’ll try anyway.

Making it more difficult, the Giants have been pulling this off behind what you would have to describe as an old-school general manager, Brian Sabean. While the Dodgers have hired their newest sabermetrics almost-GM, Andrew Friedman, and moved aside their Sabean protégé, Ned Colletti.

Such a confusing world. Making it still more difficult for the locals, the Dodgers took two out of three from the Giants both times they met in September and won the National League West by six games over those Halloween-colored dudes.

Which clearly leaves Dodgers fans with no recourse but to become monumental Royals supporters.

Now you don’t have to become a Kansas City expert for this fresh endeavor. Just know the city has great barbecue, jazz and blues. And most important, is not San Francisco.

This is sort of an even-looking World Series, the Royals being made the slightest of favorites. Two wild-card teams no one outside their immediate locals figured could hook up in October. Perhaps it’s worth noting, though, every favored team in this postseason has lost.

So fly your blue flags, send your Russian psychic cosmic vibes, play your Vin Scully giveaway microphone and summon the spirit of Danny Kaye. Do all in your power to spirit the Royals to World Series victory.

Otherwise, you’re looking at a Giants dynasty. Inconceivable.